Susie Coley

I shall not die, but Live, and declare the works of the Lord….!!

the hounds of hell (December 18, 2008)


the hounds of hell have been called off and God in his awesome glory has said” it is enough”.

I can almost see it in my mind I satan so set and ready to finish me off physically financially and emotionally which in his hopes will destroy our spirituality.

He wanted this take down so bad, the hounds he had ready they were hungry for flesh and death, pulled and bit at each other in their eagerness, Satan dressed in black:reigns in hand, waiting for the right time, the right strike that would wipe us out. Oh he has some free reign ,brought sickness, almost almost unto  death, terrible screaming pain, friends fear to come, she is contagious ,still left me alone with my thoughts day and night

. Some nights a peaceful talk with God about a whole manner of things ,sometimes sleep quiet sleep, but others, stabbing pain ceaseless I often seem to hear a sinister laugh as I  lay in torture often too,  I heard that laugh as I lay helpless, often to when I came home almost like telling me you can run but you cannot hide, but God never allowed it to get too far, but God, is protecting Angels walk my rooms and halls and stood guard . the Angels that came into my room dressed as nurses often felt God’s presence close by . I lay and and thought in my heart that the battle was still going on.. over my heart my soul and body often times when  I talked with God about the whole manner of things and it was refreshing to having you revelation drop into my heart as an answer to question.

But underneath the hounds still growled and  drooled scratching and clawing, anxious to finish the job, the destruction of me. Even as I slowly got some better I did hear them snapping at my heels now as a new torment began the wait for Social Security. The wondering, tho having faith that God would come through but when, the groceries for getting few, medicine was much expensive. And each time one of these would arise the laugh or growled letting me know that he was not far behind.

We would get calls wanting money, and the laugh would come. But I would just let them know why it had not and soon it would, and faith would rise up I know my God cannot let this go on any longer. Again it went longer still waiting the strains on our physical bodies was telling, his heart, my heart, my fatigue sleeplessness his sleeplessness. Knowing also that imps and such walk house at times and had to be shooed from the bed like a pet cat.

But the name of Jesus quieted, it all and faith rose once again knowing that God is with us and that Satan can only go so far just so far, and not a step more.

Not even a growl could be heard when Jesus came and, all peace and love and  the weights that we had carried were gone,.

But from the months of my tired physical body, had  problems of its own. Robert worry about bills and social security, when, when, they can’t turn you down, so, when, every day the hope of the call, everyday disappointment shored up by the hope of tomorrow.

Then it finally came, on an unusual day, worried and tired the phone writing the hounds have been called off God has spoken once again

Enough is enough.

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Update on “Nugget of the present”


Update on “Nugget of the present”.

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Update on “Nugget of the present”


Well, ha my appointment with the new doctor and am very impressed, I pray that God has led us to the right place. I was questioned to the inth degree, and felt like he was really interested in what had happened, He checked me, even my hands and feet closely,they checked my bp, which was disturbingly low, and a fever that was disturbingly high.  I guess he spent at least one solid hour with us, talking and asking questions, and telling us anything we wanted to know. He took a swab, and sent me to the lab for blood test/cultures. Have to be back in three weeks if we are not called back sooner. I liked the office, the hospital, and felt very relieved when we left,  I know it maybe rough for the next couple of months, especially if I get the Vacntimyacin throw ed back at me,. It is a case where the cure is almost worse than the sickness, only in this case, the sickness is worse, but this stuff is TERRIBLE.  I know when I was in the hosp. that they was popping it to me hot and heavy because I was so sick, but all my hair fell out, the skin on my hands and feet rolled up and fell off, repeatedly, not just once to twice but 4-5 times.  I had thrash all the way to my stomach and could not eat at all. I had to swish some stuff, swish again and then spray stuff, just to numb my mouth and throat enough to sip an Ensure shake, Ice water was good, but it is not known for helping you keep needed weight on to help you get well.

Back to the present, we are working on the camper and working toward the return trip, This may sound really odd, but as sick as I have been, and know I will have this untill God heals me when He gets ready, whenever that may be, tomorrow, or years of tomorrows, its ok with me, I trust God to know what is best for me, and that He has a reason for this, which although I dont know, I trust Him. He has brought me threw to much for me worry now.I trust God with my soul, my body, my lively hood,(which has just been blessed)and my future, which is my home in heaven. I will try to help anyone along the way that I can , God knows this, and has let me help several in different ways. I will talk to anyone who needs a shoulder, or is sick, and needs answers maybe I can help, I would be happy to be able to help others. I was helped in so many ways thru my life, and it is nice to be able to give back some.

Well Good night Blog,

more tomorrow when I am rested, and will catch you up on some local happenings over the holidays,

May God bless you and Keep you

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insert a nugget of the present


today is the attempt the 20th day of December 2011,

 

Tomorrow we will be taking the camper on heading West to Pensacola to see an infectious disease doctor, the purpose of this visit is to find out for sure if I still have this in my tissues my bones my skin I have things that are going on that need to be checked. I dread this but I look forward to it to because I know it’ll give me an answer one way or another, they guess not knowing is the worst part of any kind of sickness, my legs were enormously, especially the left leg and ankle and foot, the large abscess that was centered on the shed of my left leg did a considerable amount of damage to it.

 

The doctors while I was still in flowers Hospital on one of the many poke me stick me things that they did all was they had to take me and Lance this huge abscess that I had all sticking out on top of my leg it took three drain holes and and also on the ankle there were several more accesses that were there were all very dark brown in color and the day you would bubble up sometimes I height of an inch and a half to 2 inches. It took weeks for these abscesses to go down naturally they left a horribly ugly brown spot three and four  of them on each ankle. The pain from these spots have never gone away just as the pain in my legs and my feet and my hips and my back, arms and my shoulders have never gone way. I am really afraid of what I might hear put him on the latest scare me because I know God is in control. I know that his will will be done, and not my own because I have given up my right in order for God’s will to work in my life. I pray that he goes with me Thursday, and I would know what to do with myself going over there if I didn’t have Robert, he is my backbone, he is my perfect partner, the love of my life, the best Christmas present I could ever get. I depend on him to be with me to go with me, I try to help him in anything that he needs to have done and he tries to help me and all my things.

 

I really don’t know what to expect when I get there, will they start doing tests on me right away, or is this simply preliminary.

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The shot


When the time finally came for me to go back to be prepped, I was ready to get it and get out, things to do. As usual the nurses were talkative, and for the most part friendly. As I laid on the table, letting the nurses set me up, put pillows under me, adjust my iv, it was col in the room, colder than usual, I was shaky, and nervous, I usually wasnt, maybe I knew something was wrong, even though I could not see that something was wrong with my normal eyes. I was still nervous when the doctor  came in did his thing and left. As usual he was not a talker and was in and out, another person to infect, He bounced from one op room to another, back and forth, A to B,,, but come to find out, only those who had went to room B that day and for a day before and after that was infected.  When I was sent back to rest a minute, I knew something was wrong, but I tried to ignore it, maybe it was just that I was tired, maybe I had over done, and aggravated my underlying problem, Degenerative Disease was all over my lower back. I had already had a cervical fusion done on my neck the summer before, and would have to have another done on the neck in a year or so.  But the nagging feeling wouldnt go away. I had been given numbing medicine, so it would be 3 hours before the pain began, the pain that would stay with me till this day, the pain that lives in my skin with me, day in and day out, never letting up, not even for the fentynal patches I wear daily to fight it, remembering what it is like when I dont have the patch. Wishing I could get a Demerol shot every once in a while, just to be able to relax for a few minutes without pain. but, that is now, back to the beginning,,, the beginning that never ended.

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cont, (from the day I died)


When time came for the drive to Tally Robert came and we left together, talking about the trip and whether or not these shots would help my problems,it was a nice afternoon, and we were ready to get in , get out, and get home to head out camping. Everything that day was gravitated toward our trip, when we got to the office it was full, and we waited for a long time that day, longer than usual. But as far as having a bad feeling ( which I usually am prone to feeling) that day I didnt, maybe we were to tuned in to the trip, Robert as well is very sensitive to feelings and such. That day we were just to focused. The only hint I got , was when I was taken back for the IV setup, I had this odd feeling of impending “doom” so to speak….dum du du dum,,,,, smile!!!, even now, after all that has happened, I still have to smile at the DRAMA of it all. I look back, and I can see some of those people that I would know later, sitting there in that waiting room, little did we all know what lay behind the supposedly safe and sterile walls of the office. Little did any of us know what would lay ahead for a chosen few.

You know, we all walk thru this life, completely unaware that we can be taken out , at the blink of an eye. literally. I had heard this my whole life, we all have, from parents, teachers, law enforcers. And we become very complacent , very trusting, especially of doctors. The very ones that are sworn to “first do no harm”. It is almost inconceivable what can really happen, even in a small town. Tally is , of course the capital of Fl. However, in relative size it is one of the smallest as far as size goes.

we, being from small towns, feel safe, even when we know that ,”it can happen to you”. One thing I had learned from my seemingly lasting forever long life, is the  unexpected. Beginning when I was young I have always had the unexpected happen to me. Being a middle age baby, proved to bring me more pain and problems than most kids. This was something I knew, but couldn’t relay to my parents. I grew up hurting, my legs, would scream at night, literally making me scream, what today is casually called”restless leg syndrome” drove me from my bed at all hours to walk the floor, lay on my bed and kick till I cried, I vividedly  remember walking around at night, trying to get my legs to”quit” so I could sleep, go and watch momma and daddy sleep, my brother Steve, my sister,Margie, so much older than me as to be like another momma, which was what it felt like when she would whale on me when I did wrong.!!Nobody understood the pain, the chronic tiredness from lack of sleep, the aching, trobbing. oh to live a day without pain,, seems to be now that I have lived my whole life in pain, and am and forever will be in pain.

 

But you know, God has been there, even in those times when I layed awake at night, when I was way to young to be awake by myself, but God kept me company, kept me safe, I talked to Him, even then, when I was alone, I knew God, even tho it didnt seem that I would know God, but I did, I read the old testament , and God spoke to those people. How else did they know it was God???? So it has never been strange to me that I always  knew God was there, that He has always been there, and that He will always be there. Even when we dont know that we ourselves are “there”, God is There.

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The day I died……


The day I died…….

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Hello world! Its Me, Susie,,, come on in.


This story is about me and my life since I was infected and became seriously ill with staph/mrsa.It changed my life, my body, mind, and ideas about life and everyday life, feel free to read along as I try to get thru day to day, leaning on Jesus, and trying to be the best I can. I try to be lighthearted and funny, but it dont always come out that way, Come on along and go with me, promise it wont be boring!!!

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