Sorry I have been amiss in posting, but I am trying to change that since I know it will only make me stronger. I know God is with me at all times, and I seek to do His will.
more later
open eyes = open heart
I just finished a book by Audra Grace Shelby, about her life as a missionary to Yemen, it spoke of how she learned their language, and their daily lives, and began to really see the life that these women lived behind the veils that they wore, they were covered head to foot in dark clothing, and not able to look a man in the face, save her family, she would not be able to read, and depended on other to chant to her the words of the Koran (Quaran), but behind the veils and out of sight of the men, and the public, their clothing,actions,and lives told the story that they were not clean inside. But to them, in the Islamic law, as long as they remained pious on the outside, and did the 5 daily prayers, and knew the Koran by heart, they would see paradise. Audra faced a daunting task set before her, to tell these women about God, women that did not want to hear, did not believe, and did not want to believe as she did, But somehow she was to tell them about her God, His love, and that He cleansed from the inside out, and that Jesus was the key to heaven, not good works, or how many prayers you repeated in a day,week, or month…….as I read this on my Kindle, driving back from Tn this morning. I felt so close to Audra,I had always wanted to be a missionary, to go somewhere and tell people about God,and help make thier lives better, I suppose now that I am middle aged, and disabled from staph,(same as Kevin,sort of)I cant see God using me for much, other than to sit here and pour out my heart felt wishes that I could do something for God, when I feel like I am doing nothing……but my heart was and always will be as a missionary , somewhere, helping someone,,,,,, but I know than God knows my heart and hears my silent prayers to help someone, I would have loved learning the language, and get to be in the loop of friends, as Audra did, I would have loved to have a friend as she did.
But that is her life not mine, and mine might not ever be as I woant it to be, I always wanted to learn another language, and may sometime soon, (when I can afford the Rosetta Stone for Spanish & some other language, that I as yet, do not know, I have the urge to learn this, maybe it is just for my benefit, , maybe I will never know, really, unless the 300$ or so shows , above and over what our bills are, so I can buy the programs……….
But, one thing is for certain, God knows my heart, he knows I would be willing, he knows I would do my best for him, whether it is doing something like missionary,or just being me, and doing the weekly bulletin for our church , and keeping a photo log of our progress on the new church and birthday etc celebrations.
God knows that whatever He wants me to do, I will try to do my best always for Him,,,,,,and He will take my little bit that I can do and multiply it as He sees fit, and it be as He wants it to be,you know, we see plenty of stories about people doing all sorts of things for God that are known things, on tv and such, singing, or preaching far away, or living in Yemen. But their are also people like me, who do the little things like make a bulletin for the church, take photos, bring food for sunday brunch….. and I pray for the workers in the field , I pray for protection for harm, provision for food, all manner of things that might pop into my head during the day….. and I am so glad tha God has entrusted me with this gift, the gift to want to help others, in whatever way He sees fit to put me in,,,,,,,,AINT THAT GREAT??????
Obediance……………………(ouch)
you know, I have been miserably amiss in my blog. and yes, I have been duelly whipped and chastised for it, but,,, this latest chastisment I think, takes the cake. I am sick, something in my chest, I cant stop coughing, my ribs hurt all the way from my collar bone is my waist line,
Hoever, my pain and discomfort is not what this missive is about, it is about obedience… Being obedient to what God wants you to do, this ranges from calling a friend that you havent talked to in awhile, to standing up in church and preaching the gospel. you dont have to be a big name evangelist on tv to be of use to God, in fact, if you will look at the numbers of True evangelist that are on tv, and search out their lives and make sure that they are true to what they preach, you will find that there are only one or two, three at most that do that. They are called to this work, they have been taught and brought to this by God, What will God ask you to do?,
One of the first things God asked me to do was pray for a person , a little younger than me, at church. I was afraid, because I was not sure what this meant, I met her in the kitchen, and told her I wanted to pray for her, she said ok, I began to pray, and with in seconf=ds, she was slipping from my fingers to the ground, she stayed under the power of the Ho;y Ghost for about 15 minutes before I saw her return to the congregation. The next item was less than a week later, Our evangelist that was running our revival was East Indian, he had his wife Susan, daughter Sanilla, and Son with them, Susan had been praying about the son going back to India, and God told her I would tell them from a dream. Scared the whatever out of me, these are people that have lived this life for years, and I was less that a newby!!! but none the less a day or so later, I went to her and said I saw her sons face over the ocean. that was her sign. She knew then what God wanted her to do…. awhile after that, I was in church during the same revival, and felt that I was to tell the evangelist something from God, this I fought, telling God that surely there was someone one else in here that was more better than me to tell this man this bit of information… and boy what a tidbit it was, I would have not went to a good friend and told them this about their family, much less a huge Indian that was certianlly closer to God than me, But I finally got the nerve and went to him, I told him I had something to say from God, I shuffled my feet, and mumbled until he began to get irritated with me, I looked at him, and spoke the words God had give me, and a shocked look came upon his face, it was what he had been praying about, little did he know I would be the one to bring the word. , I said all that to say this, God wants to use you, whoever is reading this, you have a message to give someone, a gift of life and everlasting love . Do not be disobeiant to this, simply do what God wants, it is scary, and the only way I can get thru it is to tell God to use me, and do it before my mind cvan stop my body, this has worked time and again. try it, you might like it!!!!!
God Bless,
More on the ongoing saga of the deadly shot later..
God Bless
The new doctor,,,,,,,
I finally found a doctor that will help me, sort of….. Dr. Jay Erickson in Pensacola Fl. checked me over good and said that I can have surgery, if I was treated with the vile Vaynctimyicin. Before and after, how terrible, lets Pray I dont have to have surgery anymore!!!
Anyway, I have been down with the crud, that turned into a stomach something, nausea, diarrhea, the whole bit and I am not getting better, so will probably go to er in Dothan today to see what is going on. hate to, I would rather be in Jackson close to Dr Akerson. But Robert doesn’t trust them aor me either for that matter.Wll, pray I can get back on this book, and get it down, Oh I fonally found another person that was injected with staph. almost killed him too!!!
more later
the hounds of hell (December 18, 2008)
the hounds of hell have been called off and God in his awesome glory has said” it is enough”.
I can almost see it in my mind I satan so set and ready to finish me off physically financially and emotionally which in his hopes will destroy our spirituality.
He wanted this take down so bad, the hounds he had ready they were hungry for flesh and death, pulled and bit at each other in their eagerness, Satan dressed in black:reigns in hand, waiting for the right time, the right strike that would wipe us out. Oh he has some free reign ,brought sickness, almost almost unto death, terrible screaming pain, friends fear to come, she is contagious ,still left me alone with my thoughts day and night
. Some nights a peaceful talk with God about a whole manner of things ,sometimes sleep quiet sleep, but others, stabbing pain ceaseless I often seem to hear a sinister laugh as I lay in torture often too, I heard that laugh as I lay helpless, often to when I came home almost like telling me you can run but you cannot hide, but God never allowed it to get too far, but God, is protecting Angels walk my rooms and halls and stood guard . the Angels that came into my room dressed as nurses often felt God’s presence close by . I lay and and thought in my heart that the battle was still going on.. over my heart my soul and body often times when I talked with God about the whole manner of things and it was refreshing to having you revelation drop into my heart as an answer to question.
But underneath the hounds still growled and drooled scratching and clawing, anxious to finish the job, the destruction of me. Even as I slowly got some better I did hear them snapping at my heels now as a new torment began the wait for Social Security. The wondering, tho having faith that God would come through but when, the groceries for getting few, medicine was much expensive. And each time one of these would arise the laugh or growled letting me know that he was not far behind.
We would get calls wanting money, and the laugh would come. But I would just let them know why it had not and soon it would, and faith would rise up I know my God cannot let this go on any longer. Again it went longer still waiting the strains on our physical bodies was telling, his heart, my heart, my fatigue sleeplessness his sleeplessness. Knowing also that imps and such walk house at times and had to be shooed from the bed like a pet cat.
But the name of Jesus quieted, it all and faith rose once again knowing that God is with us and that Satan can only go so far just so far, and not a step more.
Not even a growl could be heard when Jesus came and, all peace and love and the weights that we had carried were gone,.
But from the months of my tired physical body, had problems of its own. Robert worry about bills and social security, when, when, they can’t turn you down, so, when, every day the hope of the call, everyday disappointment shored up by the hope of tomorrow.
Then it finally came, on an unusual day, worried and tired the phone writing the hounds have been called off God has spoken once again
Enough is enough.
Update on “Nugget of the present”
Well, ha my appointment with the new doctor and am very impressed, I pray that God has led us to the right place. I was questioned to the inth degree, and felt like he was really interested in what had happened, He checked me, even my hands and feet closely,they checked my bp, which was disturbingly low, and a fever that was disturbingly high. I guess he spent at least one solid hour with us, talking and asking questions, and telling us anything we wanted to know. He took a swab, and sent me to the lab for blood test/cultures. Have to be back in three weeks if we are not called back sooner. I liked the office, the hospital, and felt very relieved when we left, I know it maybe rough for the next couple of months, especially if I get the Vacntimyacin throw ed back at me,. It is a case where the cure is almost worse than the sickness, only in this case, the sickness is worse, but this stuff is TERRIBLE. I know when I was in the hosp. that they was popping it to me hot and heavy because I was so sick, but all my hair fell out, the skin on my hands and feet rolled up and fell off, repeatedly, not just once to twice but 4-5 times. I had thrash all the way to my stomach and could not eat at all. I had to swish some stuff, swish again and then spray stuff, just to numb my mouth and throat enough to sip an Ensure shake, Ice water was good, but it is not known for helping you keep needed weight on to help you get well.
Back to the present, we are working on the camper and working toward the return trip, This may sound really odd, but as sick as I have been, and know I will have this untill God heals me when He gets ready, whenever that may be, tomorrow, or years of tomorrows, its ok with me, I trust God to know what is best for me, and that He has a reason for this, which although I dont know, I trust Him. He has brought me threw to much for me worry now.I trust God with my soul, my body, my lively hood,(which has just been blessed)and my future, which is my home in heaven. I will try to help anyone along the way that I can , God knows this, and has let me help several in different ways. I will talk to anyone who needs a shoulder, or is sick, and needs answers maybe I can help, I would be happy to be able to help others. I was helped in so many ways thru my life, and it is nice to be able to give back some.
Well Good night Blog,
more tomorrow when I am rested, and will catch you up on some local happenings over the holidays,
May God bless you and Keep you
insert a nugget of the present
today is the attempt the 20th day of December 2011,
Tomorrow we will be taking the camper on heading West to Pensacola to see an infectious disease doctor, the purpose of this visit is to find out for sure if I still have this in my tissues my bones my skin I have things that are going on that need to be checked. I dread this but I look forward to it to because I know it’ll give me an answer one way or another, they guess not knowing is the worst part of any kind of sickness, my legs were enormously, especially the left leg and ankle and foot, the large abscess that was centered on the shed of my left leg did a considerable amount of damage to it.
The doctors while I was still in flowers Hospital on one of the many poke me stick me things that they did all was they had to take me and Lance this huge abscess that I had all sticking out on top of my leg it took three drain holes and and also on the ankle there were several more accesses that were there were all very dark brown in color and the day you would bubble up sometimes I height of an inch and a half to 2 inches. It took weeks for these abscesses to go down naturally they left a horribly ugly brown spot three and four of them on each ankle. The pain from these spots have never gone away just as the pain in my legs and my feet and my hips and my back, arms and my shoulders have never gone way. I am really afraid of what I might hear put him on the latest scare me because I know God is in control. I know that his will will be done, and not my own because I have given up my right in order for God’s will to work in my life. I pray that he goes with me Thursday, and I would know what to do with myself going over there if I didn’t have Robert, he is my backbone, he is my perfect partner, the love of my life, the best Christmas present I could ever get. I depend on him to be with me to go with me, I try to help him in anything that he needs to have done and he tries to help me and all my things.
I really don’t know what to expect when I get there, will they start doing tests on me right away, or is this simply preliminary.
The shot
When the time finally came for me to go back to be prepped, I was ready to get it and get out, things to do. As usual the nurses were talkative, and for the most part friendly. As I laid on the table, letting the nurses set me up, put pillows under me, adjust my iv, it was col in the room, colder than usual, I was shaky, and nervous, I usually wasnt, maybe I knew something was wrong, even though I could not see that something was wrong with my normal eyes. I was still nervous when the doctor came in did his thing and left. As usual he was not a talker and was in and out, another person to infect, He bounced from one op room to another, back and forth, A to B,,, but come to find out, only those who had went to room B that day and for a day before and after that was infected. When I was sent back to rest a minute, I knew something was wrong, but I tried to ignore it, maybe it was just that I was tired, maybe I had over done, and aggravated my underlying problem, Degenerative Disease was all over my lower back. I had already had a cervical fusion done on my neck the summer before, and would have to have another done on the neck in a year or so. But the nagging feeling wouldnt go away. I had been given numbing medicine, so it would be 3 hours before the pain began, the pain that would stay with me till this day, the pain that lives in my skin with me, day in and day out, never letting up, not even for the fentynal patches I wear daily to fight it, remembering what it is like when I dont have the patch. Wishing I could get a Demerol shot every once in a while, just to be able to relax for a few minutes without pain. but, that is now, back to the beginning,,, the beginning that never ended.
susiecoley
Susie Coley 